Let Them Stand Beside Us: A Case for Spousal Involvement in Executive Office
Published: March 29, 2025
In today’s political discourse, there's a recurring frustration that surfaces whenever a spouse of an elected official steps into the spotlight or assumes any visible role within their partner’s administration. That frustration, while understandable to some degree—especially from constituents who didn’t cast their vote for that spouse—must be met with a deeper understanding of the times we’re in and the responsibilities we expect our leaders to carry.
Unusual Times Demand Unusual Commitment
Let’s be honest: we are not living in typical times, and we cannot afford to demand a typical work-life balance from our top decision-makers. Whether it’s the Governor of Oregon, the Secretary of Defense, or the President of the United States, these roles demand not just presence, but immersion. And when the challenges of governing bleed into family life—as they inevitably do—it would be foolish and even negligent to push families to the sidelines.
In fact, the positions that have drawn the loudest criticism—state and national executive offices—are precisely the kinds of roles that should require family involvement. If a governor, mayor, or cabinet secretary were so removed from their family that their spouse played no role at all, that would be a far greater red flag. We should be deeply suspicious of any executive who governs without their family’s understanding or presence—because it suggests a disconnect from the very fabric of American life.
Case Studies: The Kotek and Hegseth Controversies
When Pete Hegseth, acting Defense Secretary, brought his wife Jennifer to meetings with foreign military officials, critics were quick to raise concerns about potential breaches of protocol and security.
“Jennifer Hegseth has attended meetings with foreign defense officials and toured facilities where sensitive topics were discussed,” reported the Wall Street Journal. “She does not hold a security clearance.”
Similarly, Oregon Governor Tina Kotek’s wife, Aimee Kotek Wilson, drew fire for attending policy meetings and taking on a role in the Governor’s behavioral health agenda.
“I didn’t vote for her,” one Oregonian told Willamette Week. “She should not be at the table giving direction to paid government employees.”
But this criticism often ignores context. As OPB reported, the Oregon Government Ethics Commission found no ethics violation in Kotek Wilson’s unpaid involvement. Her role wasn’t about control—it was about contribution.
We Want Skin in the Game
Skin in the game matters. When our leaders make decisions that affect the entire nation—or the free world for that matter—we want to know they’re grounded in the reality of American families, not isolated from them. Their spouses, who often serve as cultural barometers and public figures, can provide vital insight and context that bureaucrats and consultants often miss.
The office of First Lady has long shown us how impactful a political spouse can be. From Eleanor Roosevelt’s human rights advocacy to Michelle Obama’s Let’s Move initiative and Jill Biden’s work in education—these roles have real consequence. So why are we pretending that only presidential spouses deserve to be active participants in government work?
This Should Be Bipartisan Support—Not Bipartisan Outrage
This has become a rare issue where both political parties agree—for all the wrong reasons. From Fox News to progressive Twitter, it’s open season on the spouses of political leaders. But this shouldn't be a bipartisan grievance. It should be bipartisan encouragement.
We must stop treating the presence of spouses as a breach of democratic trust and start seeing it as a sign of a healthy, grounded administration. Our leaders should not govern in a vacuum. We need mayors whose spouses stand beside them, governors who discuss policy around the dinner table, and national leaders whose families are engaged, empathetic, and informed.
Draw the Line Where It Belongs
Of course, not every spouse should have access to policy meetings. We’re not advocating for the art commissioner’s husband to weigh in on city zoning. But when it comes to the top executive in any town, state, or federal agency, we should expect and encourage their spouse to be right beside them.
That’s not nepotism. That’s commitment. And it’s time we respect the difference.
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