Church, State, and the Complicated Middle

Church, State, and the Complicated Middle: A Hard Look at Gay Marriage, Polygamy, and Spiritual Boundaries

By Killian Yates – Published: May 11, 2025

There’s a debate that rages inside the church that often spills into public forums—about homosexuality, same-sex marriage, gay parenting, and now more increasingly, about polyamory and polygamy. But what’s not often acknowledged is the raw truth at the core of all this: church and state are not, and cannot be, cleanly separated.

You can draw the legal lines all you want—but when you zoom out, it becomes clear that government and religion, even when operating under different definitions, both shape culture, families, and the rights of human beings. And nowhere is that clearer than in how we talk about marriage.

For the government, marriage is essentially a contract—a business deal between two consenting adults. It carries tax implications, custody rights, health benefits, legal protections. It doesn’t have to be spiritual, religious, or even emotional. It’s about legality and liability, not love and God.

But in the church? Marriage is a covenant, not a contract. It's sacred. It's about joining two lives in a spiritual bond, witnessed and blessed by God. It’s layered with theology, identity, and legacy.

Neither institution invalidates the other, but we do a disservice when we try to blur or collapse the two. The government doesn’t get to define what is holy, and the church doesn’t get to legislate who is legally wed.

Where things get complicated—and I mean deeply complicated—is when we talk about polygamy. I’ve thought a lot about this. I’m not here to say the church has to endorse it, but let’s be real: it’s not a sin worse than mine. It’s not some unforgivable stain. And if we’re going to act like it’s our job to throw people out of the faith because their marriages look different than ours, then I have to ask—who the hell do you think you are?

The real concern, in my eyes, is spousal privilege. In U.S. law, a spouse can't be forced to testify against their partner in most circumstances. That protection is sacred—it shields homes from government intrusion and maintains the integrity of private relationships. (Cornell Law: Marital Privileges)

Now imagine if someone could use polygamy to create a criminal network of immunity—ten spouses, all protected from testifying against each other. That opens the door for serious abuse.

It’s not about moral panic. It’s about legal structures and the integrity of justice. That’s where the real battle lies. And it’s why polygamy, as a legally recognized institution, becomes a national security question as much as a religious one.

But regardless of where you land on all these issues—whether it’s gay couples raising kids, polygamous families worshiping together, or transgender folks in pews—you are not allowed to block someone’s path to Jesus. Ever.

If it bothers you that much, you offer help. You ask what they need. And if they say “nothing,” then you focus on making sure they’re not harming you—and walk away if that’s what’s required. That’s it.

You don’t get to gatekeep grace. You don’t get to weaponize righteousness. And you damn sure don’t get to tell someone they’re not welcome in God’s house because they don’t fit your mold of holiness.

We all fall short. That’s the point. So before you play judge and jury, take a long hard look in the mirror. Because the person you're judging may be the person Jesus would’ve called to the front row.

Scripture references:

• John 8:7 – "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone."
• Luke 5:31 – "It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick."
• Romans 3:23 – "For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God."
• James 2:13 – "Judgment without mercy will be shown to anyone who has not been merciful. Mercy triumphs over judgment."